tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
