pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
