Is it normal to miss your booty call?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
