i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
