how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
