I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
