Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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