Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize