i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
