He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
