How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
