and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
