you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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