If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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