Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
