I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
