You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
