you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
