we have pet lesbian snakes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I still have a little drunk in my system
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
