Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I need to stop coming to work sober
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
