just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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