I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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