Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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