he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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