That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
