..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
