Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
