You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
