Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
