We're like a lot better than the average bears
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
