Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Randomize
