Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
