I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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