Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
