I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
