Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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