I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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