my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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