Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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