You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
