there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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