How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
