no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
