Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
