saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
