I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Quick, to the slutcave!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
