smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
