Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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