i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize