Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
