fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
