Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
