Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
