were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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