I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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