I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
