You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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