Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
