I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
