hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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