i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
