I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
