i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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