I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
either way he was missing a nipple.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
