I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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