you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just had sex bonerless
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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