the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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