You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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