Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
